A book signing for Sina Abedi's book on Târof, the art of Iranian courtesy, organized by Le Cercle Iranica and Gondishapour Éditions.
Târof. The Art of War Iranian-Style Sina Abedi — Gondishapour Éditions Foreword by Leili Anvar A lively, funny, and enlightening essay on the Iranian art of politeness How can a simple glass of tea become a battlefield? Why does an Iranian “no thank you” often mean “yes, but insist again”? And what lies behind this highly codified politeness, sometimes nicknamed “the art of cutting off a head with silk”? With Târof: The Art of War Iranian-Style, Sina Abedi offers the first French-language exploration of a cultural phenomenon as fascinating as it is little known: Târof, the Iranian system of courtesy that deeply shapes social, family, professional, and even political relationships in Iran. Faced with the storms of History, the Iranian people have developed an extraordinary capacity for resilience. In every era, they have managed to resist, adapt, bend without breaking, and above all preserve a rich, complex cultural identity, sometimes elusive to outside observers. Among the pillars of this incredible ability to adapt stands a social and strategic instrument of extraordinary subtlety: Târof. Because no, Târof is not, as one might first think, merely exaggerated politeness or a charming but superficial game of courtesy. That would miss the point. Târof is far more: it is a genuine social and cultural weapon. An invisible weapon, woven from words, silences, gestures, and calculated refusals. It deeply structures human relationships in Iran, regulates tensions, defuses potential conflicts, and helps maintain a delicate balance within a society so often tested by history and outside pressures. To understand Târof, or at least to try to grasp its mechanisms, is therefore to open a fascinating door onto the Iranian collective mind. It means gaining access to a hidden form of social grammar, essential for deciphering everyday interactions as well as broader stakes. It also means grasping a unique mode of communication that reflects a thousand-year-old strategy combining, in a complex ballet, the most exquisite propriety, at times overflowing generosity (at least in appearance), survival instinct, consummate cunning, and a form of everyday diplomacy. Without this key, the subtleties of Iranian social, family, professional, and even political relationships remain largely impenetrable, a shadow theater of which we perceive only fleeting outlines. An essay between analysis and personal narrative Far more than a simple guide to good manners, this book reveals the mechanisms of a true “hidden social grammar.” From the ritual battle over the restaurant bill to negotiation strategies, through the psychological games tied to honor (Ābéru) and the mythical figure of Shéhérazade, Sina Abedi deciphers a thousand-year-old art of living that oscillates between sincere generosity and formidable strategy. The author enriches his analysis with his own intercultural mishaps, including a stay with a French friend whose patience, sorely tested by seven days of theatrical refusals, eventually gave way in spectacular fashion. The book thus combines intellectual rigor, a gift for storytelling, and a self-deprecating humor that is itself, as the foreword writer notes, characteristic of Persian culture.
Source: paris.fr — photo: Gondishapour